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| 05 November 2009
What's True for You?
As children, we learn to believe certain things about ourselves, others, and the world based on what authority figures tell us and the stories we tell ourselves. For example, if you ever had a parent or teacher angrily say to you “You’re a bad boy (or girl), or You’re wrong!”, instead of understanding this to mean that you behavior did not please them, you may interpret this to mean that “I am bad, I am wrong.” Other painful core beliefs include I’m unloved, I’m unlovable, People can’t be trusted, Money doesn’t grow on trees (resources are scarce), Women are inferior, Life is a struggle, etc.
These beliefs become internalized and color all of our perceptions and actions. For example, if you subconsciously believe that Life is a struggle, you will focus on struggle, see struggle, and struggle in your life. Certain core beliefs are often passed down through generations and become firmly established in families and entire cultures. If we never question these beliefs, we will act out of them during our whole lives and live much smaller than our possibilities.
In my own life, I can still see the head nun of my grade school shaking her finger at me in anger, the spit coming out of the corner of her mouth and yelling, “you’re a bad boy.” These beliefs were reinforced when I was taught the concept of original sin and every time I had to go to confession. “I’m a sinner, I’m unworthy, I’m a bad person.” When I unintentionally act in ways that create suffering, the script gets triggered automatically. Since I’m a ‘grown up’ now and the nuns are long gone, it’s up to me as an adult to work with the ‘inner child’ who still believes those things.
I’ve found a way to work with these limiting beliefs that is simple and powerful. It is similar to ‘The Work’ of Byron Katie. Since we have held many of these beliefs for most of our lives, it may take conscious effort over time to dislodge them from your psyche and replace them with more accurate and expansive beliefs. The good news is that the more you practice, the faster, easier, and more automatic positive change becomes.
Whenever you’re feeling badly, you can use that moment as an opportunity to question your beliefs and turn them around.
Method – Go slowly with this process, one step at a time until it feels complete. Breathe deeply and get curious about the uncomfortable feelings. Allow them to be there just as they are, as best you can. Then, listen for the thoughts that go with them (e.g., I’m bad, worthless, unloved, unlovable. People are mean to me. I’m all alone in the world. Life is a struggle, etc). See in your mind’s eye the child you were that adopted that belief. About how old was (s)he?
Then question that belief.
Say, “This part of me believes (s)he is a bad person, is unlovable.
Is that really true?
Can I know for sure that it’s true?
How do I live my life when I believe that?
What if it isn’t true? What if I were told or believed something that just wasn’t true?
Who would I be now if that weren’t true?
How would I be if that weren’t true?”
Repeat these questions over and over again until you feel the freedom of release from those limited and painful beliefs.
Then ask questions similar to the following:
What if the truth is that I am a unique manifestation of Source energy, that I am unique Love, Beauty, Magnificence?
How would I live my life if this were true?
What if I’m like the light that shines through a light bulb. I’m not the bulb or the filament, but the light itself. What if that were true?
What if it’s true that I am a beautiful precious eternal expression of Life, of Love, and that my darkness and pain is simply lack of knowledge of this truth?
What if it’s true that I’m really an angel who’s sleepwalking?
Turn each painful belief around to see how it feels to believe the opposite.
For example, if the negative core belief is that I’m worthless, bad, and unlovable, you could try:
I am a beautiful unique manifestation of eternal Source Energy, of Love.
I’m not asking you to believe any of these things. I’m only inviting you to question the unexamined beliefs you have been carrying around for most of your life and see what’s really true for you. How do you live your life when you believe and perceive that you are less than magnificence? How would you live your life believing in your (and everyone else’s) greatness?
Given that we may never prove the truth of either perspective one way or the other, what perspective do you choose now? What changes for you when you see through one perspective or the other?
Byron Katie would say that painful feelings are just a signal that we are believing a lie. I don’t know if that’s true or not. I do know that when I question the assumptions and beliefs that I’ve been carrying around with me over a lifetime and turn them around, I experience more joy, happiness, and freedom than I’ve ever known before.
I invite you to question your unexamined beliefs and see what’s really true for you.
Peace and Blessings,