| 08 July 2009
What's Your Story?
Most people believe they feel the way they do because of what happens in their life - because of the external facts of a situation. The truth is, however, that 100% of the way you feel is because of your interpretation of the facts, because of the story you tell yourself about the situation. The same event is experienced differently by different people because they tell themselves different stories and choose different responses. For example, if a guy cuts you off in traffic and you tell yourself the story that he's an inconsiderate jerk, you're likely to respond with anger and frustration. If, however, you later find out that he was rushing to the hospital because his child was in an accident, your story has changed and your response is likely to be more compassionate and understanding. Regardless of the actual facts, in the moment you could choose to let go of the story that he's an inconsiderate jerk and have compassion for the fact that he's so stressed out that he's missing the joy of life. If you stay with the first story, you get stressed out just like him. If you choose the second story, you stay centered and balanced. This choice (and thus your experience) is always up to you.
The habitual stories you tell about yourself and about life determine your your experience and the quality of your life. Most people do not consciously choose the stories they tell. Rather, they automatically adopt the ones they learned early in life from family members, teachers, and role models. They don't even realize that their story is only one perspective. Rather, they believe 'that's just the way things are'. They confuse the facts of a situation with their interpretation of the situation.
If you want to take your life to much greater levels of success and satisfaction, you need to consciously choose the stories you tell yourself and how you respond to situations. You need to tell better stories, adopt more empowering perspectives about who you are and about life.
Changing your stories can be difficult because they usually run on autopilot. Here are some simple and very effective ways to make these changes. Doing this work can literally transform your life. Take some time every day to practice the following whenever you're not feeling totally joyful and inspired.
Say "The reason I'm feeling this way is because of the story I'm telling about myself and the situation."
What's the story I'm telling myself that's causing me to feel this way?
Is it possible that my story may not be 100% accurate?
If it weren't 100% accurate, what are some better, more empowering stories I could tell about this?
What story or perspective would lead to the best possible outcome?
If I adopted this more empowering story, how would I see, feel, and act in this situation as my ideal self?
Then, adopt the posture, breathing, and move your body as if you were your ideal self. Breathe, walk, and move in ways that give you the most powerful perspective and response to the situation. Do this consistently and notice your perspectives, feelings, and experience of life greatly improve.
When you consciously choose the stories you tell about yourself and about life, you learn how to manage your emotional states rather than being at the mercy of them. When you can effectively manage your emotional states, you have found the key to success and harmony in your life.
This is a big topic and there's more to come. One step at a time. Practice the above this week and begin to change your life for the better.
If you want more information on this, feel free to contact me.